Disclaimer: I do not work a typical 9-5 job. And many women do not work typical 9-5s anymore so life as a full-time working mom looks different for everyone. This is just what it looks like from my vantage point.

I am a Postdoctoral Research Associate (postdoc for short) at Yale University. I work in a fast-paced, high-expectation (or high-pressure, depending on your framing) research center where I get to work with some of the brightest minds in psychology. I love my job and feel lucky every day that I get to do the work that I do. The only problem is Yale University, for anyone checking their geography, is located in New Haven, Connecticut and I live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. That’s 174 miles away, or approximately 4 hrs. each way via Uber, train, and bus. I leave my house at 4:30am every Monday morning, work in New Haven until Wednesday, then get home around 8:30pm. Thursday and Friday I work from home and Saturday and Sunday I spend with my family (or sometimes work during ballet classes or birthday parties). Then Monday morning I do it all over again. My husband and daughter call me after school every day so I can check in and still feel like a part of her daily life and so she knows I’m always there. We FaceTime every night at bedtime to read and sing a lullaby. We’ve even celebrated Hanukkah via FaceTime (see images below).

When I’m home I craft my schedule so that I can be with my daughter as much as possible. I stop working at 3pm so that I can pick her up from school and take her to her afternoon activities, play with her, help her with her homework, or just watch her play with her friends on the playground. Then we have dinner and I get to put her to bed. Most nights I work a few more hours after she goes to bed (also known as the double shift). That also means that I’m writing papers or taking conference calls during gymnastics class or ice skating lessons, listening to presentations in between games of tag on the playground.

“Yes, I think we can get that analysis done in time.” [hits mute button] “You’re it!” [unmute] “Yup, I’ll get right on those reports.” [mute] “You can’t make the entire playground base!” Person on the other line: “Why do you sound so out of breath?” [unmute] Me: “I just get really excited about structural equation models.”

It’s sometimes stressful and my life feels very full. I don’t have a ton of time to spend with friends because I want to spend all my free time with my family since I’m gone almost half the week. I get lonely when I’m up there sometimes, ok a lot of the time. But I also relish the time alone. I never lived alone (went from living with roommates to my now husband) so to have my own apartment is a great experience. I also get to do things with the freedom and flexibility I haven’t had since before my daughter was born. I go to the movies or the theater with friends. I play tennis every morning before work. It feels very liberating. And at the same time, my heart breaks every Sunday night when I put my daughter to bed and I know I won’t get to hug her again until Thursday morning.

My Life as a Full-Time Working Mom